“I believe in anger. Anger’s like fire, it can burn out all the dross and leave some positive things.”

—Maya Angelou*

Pulling the anger card

In my introduction to You Talk About Race Too Much, I note the project came into focus because of my many experiences, current lived reality, reflections and emotions among other considerations. And within those considerations that allowed the project to be born, I pull out, right now, the tarot card emotions. And specifically, on that tarot card of emotions, is anger. Anger is important to me, distilled, anger motivates me and I write about anger often.

I began to work intentionally on regulating myself so that I can show up as bright as I’m supposed to be for my sister and my niece. They were my first and only motivating factor to “come correct.” And I have my sister to thank for putting me onto this mind health journey. My sister was 27 years old when she understood that to survive, she would need to seek a therapist to help her make sense of her past, her present and the mismatch she was experiencing that was causing disruption in her life. My sister spoke to me about her journey, and she speaks freely to others about how therapy saved her life. I remain so proud of her for taking control of her life course, and putting herself on a path more authentic and safe. Through her work, I felt compelled, obligated and encouraged to do the same for my journey, so I could be better for her and for my niece.

So many years later and I am in the grove of who I am. I am who I am supposed to be at my resting state, and I now have such strength to continue on my journey.

Anger is here to stay

I write about anger a lot because no matter where people are at in their journey, no matter how long or how short their emotional range, anger is something that every person feels. And back when I was coming up through, anger had such a bad wrap. It was an emotion to tamp down, to feel anger meant that you were doing something wrong and to do something correct meant the absence of anger. And, as I’ve been on my journey, as more therapists and sociologists and GenXers and Black women have added into the conversation about anger, the emotion has been able to be seen in new ways that were not accessible to me when I was younger.

Being unstoppable

Now that I am healthy and healthier, now that I am regulated and regulating, now that my life’s purpose has come into spiritual focus, I appreciate my anger. And through my work, I’ve been able to understand my anger, my origin anger and my current internal anger and external anger. I don’t shy from saying I have anger, I don’t ignore its existence. I now have the training to use my anger like I use my critical thinking skills, my interpersonal skills, and my other emotions: to propel me, to motivate me, and to create.

The 2015 family comedy “Inside Out,” and 2024 sequel “Inside Out 2,” shows the character of Anger in lovable and relatable scenarios. And we also see the power of Anger when he uses his forces for collaboration and for good. Anger makes good points and Anger is deeply, deeply protective. I have come to understand my anger in its many forms, and that anger is not going anywhere. But, over years and years and years, I have built a relationship with my anger so anger can work with me…most of the time. I’m still human. And more often than not, anger isn’t the first tool I turn to, and rarely is the main character. More often than not, anger is often accompanied by many other emotions.

Darling, I am here for you

I provide my anger as background because it is a theme I write about a lot and I do not shy away from talking about it. I have anger, but I’m not angry. As a human, you experience anger, too. And, a lot of what I will offer through this photo writing project, anger is woven into the pieces. Not always, not always the main character, but anger is there.

And, I invite everyone reading to reflect on some questions that I find deeply fascinating. What is your past relationship with anger? What were you taught about anger, and what did you learn about anger? What is your comfortability talking about your anger? How has anger shown up in your life to keep you safe, to keep you avoidant, to fuck up your shit? What is your current relationship with anger and do you like it? What would you like your current relationship with anger to be? What do you do when you are angry? Please let me know what you would like me to know. Of the 6 Mantras of True Love, the first Mantra reminds us, “Darling, I am here for you.”

* Leave it to Maya Angelou to use the word dross. As a lover of words, intellectual, and as an older person, I had never heard of this word before…ever. I turned to my PhD-touting husband and read this quote and he said, “no one knows that word.”