We cannot know how far we can soar until we are tested.” —Coretta Scott King

Willfully moving toward difficulty

Being a nonprofit executive director is a notably difficult role. The number of skills one must possess is astonishingly long. The demand for visionary thinking, fundraising prowess, productive people management and in the weeds task management can often leave one feeling whiplashed. And that is not even the extensive list of skills an ED is often required to have. And if the work is not accomplished smoothly, the blame typically wrests on the shoulders of one person and one person only. This kind of role is not for everyone, and this kind of role is definitely for me.

In 2013 I was able to attend a week-long leadership academy while working for an antipoverty nonprofit that I loved called LIFT. The program was designed with the individual in mind, agnostic of where the person worked. It was well-known that people often left their current employer to work somewhere else, somewhere better suited for their abilities or of a higher responsibility level as some point soon after having completed the academy. Having come from an individual leadership organization called Coro Center for Civic Leadership prior to joining LIFT, I was thrilled to participate in this academy and fully immerse myself in the opportunity to further work on my own abilities.

The blueprint knows

I had come very far from willing a very nascent goal as a kid into reality: to not be poor. I noted in my offering Hardship, through that moment of expression to not be poor, for me, a blueprint that I could access emerged. Very hazy, much of the design indecipherable in the first moments it was revealed to me. But it was there, and I knew that blueprint was me, it was my life and within my life, my purpose. As the years unfurled before me, my personal blueprint had more clarity to it as I moved along my journey. Not all of the details were sharply focused, of course. I would have to live seconds and minutes and days and years for there to be clarity through reflection. I’m certainly not clairvoyant. Each year, my blueprint, which also entailed my purpose became clearer and a distant future, though still hazy, became more substantive in its meaning; I understood more and more what I was aiming to do with my life.

It was during this leadership academy, when I was paired with an executive coach for an hour, that I externally articulated a goal for myself— for my career. A new goal. A new goal I knew I was going to achieve and in doing so, further clarify my blueprint. I knew I was going to accomplish the goal, I just wasn’t sure how I was going to go about achieving it…yet. My paired coach asked me where I saw my career in the near future. In a few years from now, what did I want to do? And I said, with my whole heart, “I want to be an executive director of a nonprofit whose mission aligns with my values.” PHEW! I said it. I said it without needing approval, without self-doubt that I was aiming too high. I probably drew my fingers to my mouth as if to say, “it’s out there, now I have to do it.”

When I began to steer my career path toward being an executive director, it was because I was ready for the challenges that kind of role demanded. I knew I was ready to make decisions and take on the responsibility of caring for a mission-driven organization. Importantly, I knew I wanted to be an executive leader so that I could specifically be the boss. It didn’t mean I wasn’t scared or nervous. I absolutely was. But I was also sure.

A boss was born

Why did I want to be the boss? Well, as I mentioned in Stars → Inheritance, I’m a Capricorn and of the many traits I identify with in being a Capricorn, it’s our strong desire to be the boss. And more seriously, taking on an executive leadership role was how I felt I could help more people. Across my many jobs and as I entered into my career in the nonprofit sector, I had gathered so many skills from those roles, as well as, importantly, from volunteering in my community and joining boards of nonprofits. I knew I possessed the hard skills needed to succeed. But, when I entered into my career in the nonprofit sector, I didn’t have a direct boss who Inspired me, capital I, who was a multiplier as described by Liz Wiseman: someone who drew from me more than I thought possible because of their leadership and vision. I had many nice bosses, and I had a fair share of toxic bosses and I knew my personality and leadership style would foster the kind of work environment that people deserved. Many of my friends across private, nonprofit and public sectors struggled with toxic work environments, lackluster bosses, problematic colleagues and so on. I had insight into several work environments, spent years at Coro, the individual leadership organization, to prepare people for a variety of workplaces, and I knew what I wanted to create.

My hour-long executive coach didn’t bat an eye when I told her my goal, and if I were being frank, from looking at my resume and hearing what mattered most to me, she was definitely gently pushing me to say what she could already tell. So, it was at this moment that I allowed for an articulation: I was a boss and I was going to be the boss.